nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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