I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
