hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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