I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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