that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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