dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
