nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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