I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
