a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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