WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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