hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
