Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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