I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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