I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We don't watch enough power rangers
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
BRING THE BAGELS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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