if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
