The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
