I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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