I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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