there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
