Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize