Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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