I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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