I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
