im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
