those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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