saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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