Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
