My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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