Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
