oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize