I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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