Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
