dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize