Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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