well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize