I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
