So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
