so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
