My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
