Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize