just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
