His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
