remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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