All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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