Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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