Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
