best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
