Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
