i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
