she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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