I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
