I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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