How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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