i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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