if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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