i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
