So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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