I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
