Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
