Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
