You just made me feel so damn special
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
