if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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