There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The uberlube is also flammable
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
