I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
