Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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