I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
