She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
