i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
