If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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