Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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