so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
