I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
