I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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