Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
