What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize