dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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