yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
