Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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