If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
