Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
