he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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