Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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