he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
