its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
