I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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