I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
