My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
