JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
