I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Even my vagina gasped.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
