I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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