It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
