dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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