did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
