is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
