I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
