Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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