you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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