yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
