We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
