Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
