I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
