I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
